So, yes, I took the time to play with my cell phone because I was bored in the sleep specialist’s office, what with it being about 45 minutes past my 1:00 appointment time. Even more annoying was the fact that I didn’t really need to be there; this was just a follow-up to say “yes, I’m wonderful.” So why was I there? Why didn’t I just get up, say goodbye to the rottweiler behind the receptionist’s chair, and leave? Because I had to cover my ass.
See, last time I saw this doctor was right after my sleep study in December. My two part sleep study. The first part being during the night, where I got a total of 6.7 hours asleep (none of it REM sleep). The second part being a “latent sleepiness” test where they see how sleepy you are during the day. The day after your sleep study, in which you got less than 7 hours of sleep, and none of it was REM sleep. A day, in other words, on which you are likely to be much sleepier than normal. I didn’t realize the significance of this until the first follow-up appointment, when he said my daytime test revealed I was very sleepy during the day (ya think?) and, as he left, had the nurse hand me a prescription for a medication to help keep me awake during the day. Or, as it said on the slip, for narcolepsy.
Narcolepsy? WTF? I don’t have narcolepsy. I am sleepy when you keep me from getting good sleep all damn night. And now he has put into my medical record that I have narcolepsy?
"Well," she said, "it just says you have symptoms of narcolepsy.”
Oh, okay. Isn't that like having “symptoms of diarrhea?” Where the symptom is really all that matters?
Anyway, that’s why I made sure to keep my follow-up appointment. So I could say “Wow, I feel great now, and I took the medication but it didn’t make a difference (which is a lie, by the way, I never remembered to take it, even though he said if it didn't work for me, some other options were amphetamines or ritalin, and damn, don't those sound like something I just might want to try???), but I haven’t been falling asleep at all! No narcolepsy here! Nope, not a bit! Be sure to write that in my chart!” Because I can just see that narcolepsy diagnosis coming back to bite me in the butt some day.
(Oh, and why did I have a sleep study in the first place, since I already know I have sleep apnea and have been treating it with a CPAP machine for over 6 years? Because I wanted a new machine, which you can only get if you have a new prescription. And you need a new sleep study for a new prescription.)
And also, I saw a nice corner lot in Nichols Hills available, right on Penn, for $375,000. Yes, that’s three hundred and seventy five. Thousand. Dollars. For an empty lot. Nice to know I couldn’t even afford to pitch a tent in Nichols Hills.