i've been disenchanted with my "family practice" doctor for a while.* I told myself the problem was that he and I were too much alike - he is a "wait and see" kind of doctor, and I am a "wait and see" kind of patient, and I just can't make him understand that by the time I finally make an appointment, I have done all of the waiting and seeing that I am willing or able to do, and I want things to move along. But I perservered. Then I started hearing good things about his new partner, decided to give her a try, and was suitably impressed.
So, I saw Dr. New And Improved yesterday for my annual persistent non-productive annoying hacking cough, which she diagnosed as allergies (big surprise, not) that were not being controlled by fexofenadine** and she prescribed a couple of nasal sprays - one so vile-tasting that it comes with special dosing instructions to make sure none of it drips down your throat. I've been afraid to use it so far.***
Then Dr. NAI said "I'm going to offer you an injection to help clear this up a lot faster."
Me: "I'm going to accept it. What is this injection, and why hasn't anyone ever mentioned it before?"
Dr. NAI: "It's Dexamethasone. It's a steroid. I don't know why no one ever offered it.
Me: "It won't put me to sleep, will it?"
Dr.NAI: "It won't make you sleepy. In fact, it usually revs me up."****
See, this is the annoying part. I have seen Dr. Previously for the same persistent non-productive annoying hacking cough practically every year for the past couple of decades. And has he ever offered me an injection to help clear it up a lot faster? No. Even though he has given it to other patients, including my husband's boss.
Anyway, all was well until about 11:00 last night, when I couldn't get to sleep. Which is kind of important, considering that I get up at 5:10. I kept having the same thoughts cycle obsessively through my mind...
I have to tell L that we can't go to her house this weekend because M and A are coming. I'm so horrible!
Why is that so horrible? I already told her I wasn't sure if we were free.
Because it just is!
Oh my God, M and A are coming, I have to clean the house!
I finally went to sleep around midnight, and woke up again obsessed with the same thoughts, along with some new ones...
Who is going to put sunscreen on Boo when she goes to swimming lessons?
Who do we have to invite to Boo's birthday party? And where am I going to find a cat cake?
I have to clean the house!
Since I can't sleep, why don't I just get the hell out of bed and clean the house? Or straighten my hair? Or write a long apologetic e-mail to L telling her what a bad person I am? Or something else useful? Or file the second toenail on my left foot, since it's catching on the sheets and driving me crazy!
(No, I didn't do any of it.)
I got up and took an antihistamine, which usually knocks me right out. J woke up when I came back to bed and said "You should try to get back to sleep, even if it's close to the time you need to get up."
"Yeah, well, it's 2:00 in the morning."
"Are you okay?"
And then it hit me. "I think it's the shot. She said it revs her up. I think I'm revved up."
DexaMETHasone. Is this related to methamphetamine? How fast is my heart beating?
Could I take a Xanax? Would that kill me? Or make it impossible to wake up in the morning? What do I mean, "in the morning?" It IS morning!
I finally fell back to sleep after several more cycles of obssessive thoughts and two hours of bad television (Bosley hair replacement, anyone?), which gives me a grand total of about three hours of sleep. Good times.
According to Dr. Google, Dexamethasone is simply a corticosteroid used to treat certain forms of arthritis; skin, blood, kidney, eye, thyroid, and intestinal disorders (e.g., colitis); severe allergies; and asthma. Methamphetamines are not mentioned.
Maybe that's just what they want you to think.
Shut up. Paranoia is not one of the listed side effects.
Like they'd be honest about that.
Side effects include insomnia, restlessness, depression, and anxiety. But hey, perhaps I'll get lucky and also end up with increased hair growth and irregular or absent menstrual periods.
They mean hair on your head, right?
I hope so.
So maybe that's why Dr. Previously never gave me the injection - he knew it would send me straight into a drug-induced psychosis. But at least I wouldn't have been coughing.
*I should have fired him the day I saw him for a mystery pain and he said "I have no idea what it is, but I'm sure it's nothing serious." Because that is not an appropriate answer. "It could be either X, Y, or Z, and none of them are serious." That would have worked. "I have no idea what it is, so let's run some tests." That would have worked. But no.
**I lost more hope recently when I called his office to tell him that I stopped taking Allegra because it became "non-preferred" (insurance bastards) and was too expensive. But now that there's a generic version, would he be willing to call in a prescription for just plain old generic fexofenadine? The nurse calls back to say yes, my doctor would be happy to call in a prescription for Allegra, but he wants me to know that my insurance might not cover it. Gee, that sucks. I wonder if there's a generic version.
***Since I know J is reading this, and will bitch at me for not using it, I just did. Ouch. It burns. But no psychosis so far. Knock on wood.
****Yeah, that should have been a sign.