I don’t use Twitter (I don’t use Facebook either, but that’s a different story) but I thought I’d pretend, for the day, that I do. So here’s what I would have Tweeted, had I been Tweeting (Twittering?) yesterday:
8:45 am I have a pyramid head today. I hate my hair.
11:56 am I’m rarely inspired to spit out candy, but I think that one was actually barbeque flavored.
12:40 pm Billie Jean is NOT my lover; she’s a lying bitch.
2:05 pm Wow... I was just indirectly threatened with work-related legal action. This is strangely cool.
6:25 pm Aaaaaaah! Old lady in Cadillac carrying the same purse as me!
6:35 pm No pork tenderloin AGAIN??? Fucking Walmart. I hate you SO much.
8:25 pm Boo's best friend just barfed all over our... what do you call it? Front stoop? Too small for a porch. But I digress.
You know what? It's probably a good thing I don't use Twitter.