Three is a Magic Number

Jinxed

I get up at 5:00 am Monday through Friday. Well, technically, my alarm is set for 4:55, and I tend to get up after the first snooze at 5:10. But either way, that's pretty damn early. And every morning I lie there and say "I can't do this any more. This is too damn early." And then I haul my ass out of bed.

Last night, when I went to bed, I felt achy and chilled. "Maybe I'm sick," I thought. "And I can sleep in tomorrow." Unfortunately, I felt fine when I woke up. Well, as fine as one can feel at o'dark thirty.

However! It turns out Boo was sick. Or should I say "sick." I'm sure she did have a stomachache, but I'm also sure she could have gone to school. And I was already at work by the time we decided she could stay home, so it's not like I got to roll over and go back to sleep. But still! Afternoon nap! Sweet. I feel a little bad about jinxing her into being sick, but it was for a good cause.

Geniuses and sheep parts

I was going through old CDs recently, weeding out the ones that need to be donated, and I found a bunch of "classical music for babies" titles. Do you remember when someone decided listening to Mozart would increase your baby's intelligence? I had a half dozen of these, provided by my good friends at Enfamil and Johnson & Johnson and the like. I don't think any of them were even opened.

Today I read that Disney is offering a refund to people who bought the "Baby Einstein" videos, and it's being called "an acknowledgment that baby videos are not educational." Well, duh.

And when I say "duh," I do not mean "duh, everyone knows Baby Einstein videos are just baby Prozac, and lazy parents use them as an electronic babysitter." I mean "duh, of course a video alone is not educational for a baby." But that doesn't mean they're a bad thing.

We bought our first Baby Einstein video back in the days of VHS, believe it or not - it was Baby Mozart, the original, and probably best, of the bunch. Boo loved it. We also bought Baby Bach, but it wasn't as good, and our Baby Einsteining ended there. By the time we bought our videos, the Baby Einstein producers (this was before they were assimilated by the Disney Empire) were no longer touting the claim that listening to classical music would increase intelligence. But you know what? Boo and I had a lot of fun with that video. We always watched it together. As soon as she heard the music, she was ready to sit in my lap. I'd explain what she was seeing on the screen - "look, the train is going to go through the tunnel!" She was exposed to shapes and colors. She said "blah!" back at the puppet. She didn't sit there slack-jawed, staring at the screen - we interacted with that video together. She giggled and pointed and sang. I thought it was a wonderful resource. It bothers me to hear people dismiss it as worthless, let alone bad.

Unfortunately, I know the kid watches too much television today. We have limited her TV viewing on weekdays to either before or after dinner, which means she can still potentially watch 2 hours of television a night. And that's too much. (Also, she and I like many of the same shows, so it means I can't watch TV before dinner either, which kind of sucks.) And we are probably too permissive in her TV viewing, as we let her watch things like The Simpsons, FlashForward, and America's Most Amazing Police Videos and Stupid Crooks Caught on Tape or whatever those shows are called. Of course, they offer a lot of teachable moments. ("Wow, Homer did something stupid and now he's in a jam. "Look what happens when you try to lie to the police." Etc.) I wonder if it would be a good idea to insist Boo sit in my lap again, and we can interact with her shows together. "Ooooh, look! The fugitive in the stolen car is going to go through the plate glass window!"

Maybe not.

And on a mostly unrelated note, director Paul Haggis has left the "church" of Scientology because of their stance on gay marriage. So he doesn't have a problem with the whole aliens thing. He doesn't mind that Scientology was founded by a man who said if you want to make a lot of money, you should form a religion. No, those are fine. It's just the gay marriage thing that he has issues with. Well, as long as you have standards.

(BTW, I'm not mocking him for wanting to support gay marriage. I support it, wholeheartedly, myself. I'm mocking him for being willing to accept the rest of the BS and drawing the line here.)

(Also, Haggis is kind of an unfortunate name, isn't it?)

A fifth of something

My baby starts 5th grade tomorrow. Her last year of elementary school. I realize this is a cliche, but I don't know if I'm ever going to be ready to let my little bird leave the nest. I have gotten past the point where I checked on her every time I woke up in the middle of the night (I think got over that by the time she was 5 or 6). But I want to constantly run behind her, as if she were learning to ride a bicycle*, with my arms outstretched ready to catch her if she falls. I want to be there for her at recess when no one else wants to play with her.** I want to pick out her clothes and comb her hair in the morning. I want to hold her hand in the hall. 

Next year, when she starts middle school, there will be no "after school fun club" for children of working parents, and she will get out too early for me to pick her up. If she rides the bus home, she will be home alone for about 15 minutes. There is a work-at-home parent on one side of us, and a stay-at-home parent on the other. She is smart and trustworthy. She will be fine. So why does my heart hurt when I think about it? Why was J's first response to this proposed scenario "I don't know about that?"

I am trying. We were driving past the college dorms, and she pointed out that if she stayed at home and went to Hometown University, she wouldn't have to live in the dorm. My head and my lips said "That's true, but you might want to live in the dorms. Or you might want to go to a different university." But my heart said "That's right, baby. You should just stay at home where you're safe."

*Ironic, since I wasn't even there when she learned how to ride a bicycle. She was spending the day at my parents' house, and my sister taught her. So apparently I can let go.

**Even though I know it's mostly her fault, since she can be pretty stubborn when she wants to play a particular game and will refuse to play what her friends are playing.

Smells like grade school spirit

The year is 2003. J is getting a bass speaker installed in his truck. The installer tests it with the disc currently in the CD player. J's CD holder is full of Van Halen, Police, Beatles, etc. But the disc in the player happens to be Boo's. The guy says "Wheels on the Bus" really sounds good with that extra kick of bass.

It’s too bad this didn't happen a few years later, as Boo's favorites now include Fuel, Green Day, Foo Fighters, and Slipknot. Yesterday in the car she asked me “Can you play CD 5, track 3?” Do you know what that is? It’s Nirvana, that’s what. (Yes, she's six years old.)

(Note to self: Download censored version of “American Idiot” to listen to when Boo is in the car. Quickly turning down the volume only piques her curiosity.)

Anyway, she's been nagging me to find my Boomtown Rats CD ever since she heard "I Don't Like Mondays" on the radio (thanks to my backstabbing friend Sirius). Is it appropriate to let my six-year-old listen to a song about a girl who shot up a schoolyard? Even if it doesn’t describe the actual shooting? But does mention death? If I play this song for her, is she going to end up toting a machine gun to school humming “what reason do you need to die… die… oh oh oh tell me why…”

(Note to self: If you’re not sure you want the kid to listen to a song, don’t say “Oh, I have that CD!” when she hears it on the radio. Duh.)

She does still like the Kim Possible theme song. And the sanitized Kidz Bop versions of “Kids in America” and “Complicated” (though she sings “take off all your crappy clothes” instead of “preppy clothes.”) So there’s still hope.

(Note to self: Listen to more Air America in the car. Al Franken is a better mold for little minds than Kurt Cobain.)

"Mom, why does that man like big butts?"

Boo is suddeny paying a lot more attention to the media...

Today, in the car... First, she actually asked me to turn the radio up. Then, "Why did that man say he was a creature before he could stand?"

"I don't know, honey. Sometimes the words to songs don't really make any sense." (That's not mom talk... I really don't have a clue. But I do know that when Nine Inch Nails came on next, I quickly changed the station.)

"Why was Homer talking about drugs?"

"I don't know, honey. I guess he needed some medicine."*

Next I suppose she'll realize the song is called Video Killed the Radio Star, not Video Kid the Radio Store. That will be fun to explain.

And also, I haven't had a chance to watch the Six Feet Under finale yet and I just want to hide under a rock. I soooo don't want the ending spoiled for me. I just clicked on a blog and she was talking about the finale and I went "yaaagh!" and quickly backed out. Now I'm afraid to read anything. This is annoying. But I'm tired and I'm going to bed. Maybe tomorrow. Assuming the new DVR doesn't eat it, that is. Or maybe Boo and I can watch it together. "Mom, why are those two men kissing? And why did that woman call that man an asshole?"

Maybe not.

*Yes, I missed a Valuable Teachable Moment. But you know what? I have strep throat and talking irritates my already pretty damn irritated throat and my ass hurts.** So I'm going to be a bad parent today.

**Because I got a shot. What did you think I meant?